The first
encounter I had with pornography took place when I was very young, barely 9
years old. I was on our family computer doing homework when an ad popped up. I
quickly pressed the “X” in the corner, yet every time I did the pop-ups would
double. I was quickly at a loss of what to do.
I remember
wanting to tell my parents, but I was both confused and afraid. Luckily for me,
I was able to turn away from the images. When I think of why I was able to do
this, I go back to my relationship with my parents.
I was able to
turn to them.
Although I was
afraid, I knew that my parent’s love was unwavering. I had a great relationship
with them and when, after many clicks on that “X”, it finally clicked in my
mind that I could run to them, they were able to take care of the virus. My
parents were my lifelines in this case.
The Unwanted Guest
Even 15 years
ago this pandemic found me without my seeking it. Today, pornography is even
more accessible than it was when I was nine.
A study
once found that forty two percent of children age 10-17 said they had seen
online pornography within the past year, and sixty-six percent of those
children said they had not sought out this material but that it found them.
Those were the numbers as late as nine years ago, and it is only getting worse.
When it comes
knocking at our door without invitation, why do we open the door and let them
in?
The True Nature of Love
The desire for
love and connection is a natural one. We are born with these sexual desires to
lead us to real human love and connection. However, in today’s world it is not
uncommon for love and lust to be confused.
Let me be
clear—love cannot be found through a virtual lens, no matter how enticing it
may seem.
A few years ago
I heard a speech
that sunk deep into my heart:
“The intimate…relationship between a man and a woman
that brings children into [this life] is also meant to be a beautiful, loving
experience that binds together two devoted hearts, unites both spirit and body,
and brings fullness of joy and happiness as we learn to put each other first.”
Simply put—those beautiful feelings are not meant
to be shared with a screen. I
was lucky enough to learn this in the home, and I truly believe that this saved
my life. I did not walk away from that computer fifteen years ago feeling worried
that it might ruin my future relationships, because I knew that it was gone and
I was comforted by that knowledge. Unfortunately this is not the case for many
children.
Knowledge is Not Enough
Many of these children knew of the destruction that could come from the viewing of pornography. Most were not blind to these things, yet their consumption had not stopped.
They looked in to the future knowing that it would be a roadblock for marriage because they could already tell that their perception of those around them had already become a negative one. Several children told experiences of the porn being aggressive, and one girl even shared that by the age of twelve she and her boyfriend had participated in aggressive sexual behavior.
Education alone is not enough. These children appeared to have some
knowledge of the destruction that would take place if they continued to indulge
in pornography, yet they were not confident they could stop.
They need a support system.
They need to know how to avoid.
We Cannot
Ignore the Facts of Destruction
If the effects of pornography don’t surface early on, they will
eventually. Exposure to pornography results in a variety of negative outcomes.
The choices we make in life can reflect the choices we make in media.
The effects
of pornography don’t simply show within the individual, it also shows in
their actions and begins to affect those around them. The risk of developing
sexually deviant tendencies, committing sexual offenses, experiencing
difficulties in your own intimate relationship, and acceptance of rape are all
increased significantly through the viewing of pornography.
This should not be overlooked.
In my experience, I grew up with a strong home foundation. I knew the
truth about love and I knew instantly when I saw those images that what I was
feeling was not love. For me, I was able to turn away because of the
relationship that I have with my parents.
"We absolutely have to talk to young people about sex, love,
respect and consent as soon as we feel they are ready, to ensure that they gain
a proper perspective between real-life relationships and the fantasy world of
porn."
There are many other factors that go in to the prevention of pornography,
but I do believe that teaching begins within the home.
A Great
Need for Involved Parents
We need to know the dangers of pornography. It overtakes
lives, causing loss of the peace, distorted feelings, deceit, damaged
relationships, loss of self-control, and nearly total consumption of time,
thought, and energy.
If you are at a loss of what to do regarding
pornography with your children, please turn here
for a free download of “A Parent’s Guide to Addressing Pornography With
Children”.
When both the truths about the destruction of
pornography and the joys of love are understood, learned within the home
through examples of love, children will be more likely to turn to their parents
as their number one resource for healing and protection.
Such a great post Madisen! We must be vigilant, and do things that have never been done before to protect our families! So glad you had that support system built in. Most don't. Here's some awesome resources to help teach kids:
ReplyDeletehttps://protectyoungminds.org/resources/