As I have been considering the close of 2015 and the beginning of 2016 there have been a few things on my mind that I want to share. And by "few" I mean a lot. This is going to be real. This is going to be raw. Therefore it will more than likely be long. Those of you who "know" me know that I love words. At this time I desire to share those words with you. For those of you who desire to continue, please treat my thoughts with care. They come from the depths of my heart...
2015 absolutely kicked my butt. It's interesting for me to think about everything that has happened in the past year-- some of the most happy moments of my life took place last year, and yet I don't think I could have started it any lower. And whenever I began to feel like I was standing up, I got knocked down again. Humbled me, really. Really really. Over and over again. It's a continuous "process." At first I found myself sitting for a while out of fear. Until I decided to change what I had control over, and submit to that which I don't.
If you've looked at my posts from the last year and thought to yourself that I'm living the dream; you're right. I'm living a pretty stellar life. I am happy. I seek not to complain or compare, then I can begin to see the miracles around me. But I want you to know that my motivation for doing all of those things was to offset the pain and replace it with something good and worth my time. It was a very conscious decision that took a lot of work. I'm sure most happy lives you see on social media are very similar. People very rarely post about the sorrows that life brings. Just know that I'm not trying to pretend. I'm trying to take control. Attempting to kick it right back!
Relating this to the beautiful quote about beauty pictured above, I think to myself, "I hope I am allowing myself to become a beautiful person. I hope people can see that." Not for me, not to be seen of man, but for my God as I know when we pass through fire it has the capability of refining us. I desire to be stronger. I desire to be better. So that I can serve and so that I can bless. I desire to take my experiences and turn them in to what the quote describes as a beautiful person. Tapping in to that beautiful person that we are by heirs of a Heavenly King makes it all worth it.
I do know that that does not happen over night. And I know that it's not easy. Many times I have even been tempted to give up. Resisting that temptation, however, has made me stronger. Relying on Christ's strength when I have none has made me stronger.
I have heard it promised that the gospel of Jesus Christ will bless your life. I am admitting to you right now that living the gospel doesn't always leave you happy. At least not initially or temporally. When we are asked to put on the full armor of God, that's not always comfortable or convenient. Doing the right thing isn't always easy and even when we do it we may be left feeling alone or sometimes even punished. And yet it's the easiest decision I have ever made. One thing I know is that God is not as concerned with our comfort as He is with our growth.
I will not try to sugar coat it; I will promise you that if you live the gospel of Jesus Christ you will be tried and tested. You will be placed through a refiners fire. You will feel things that you didn't know possible. AND if you continue to press forward in faith and refuse the temptation from the adversary to make you bitter, you will feel the blessings of having the Spirit as your best friend. You will not be left alone. You will be comforted. You will learn. You will grow. You will become. I honestly can't imagine trying to navigate through this life without my Savior or the Spirit through following His teachings. I give 100% credit to Him for who I am in the process of becoming.
As I reflect on my goals of the future I realize that they are big and hefty. I realize that in the past I have been hesitant because of limitations that I thought were there, but I have since realized that I have control over removing those limitations. Many of which I have made up in my mind or believed the adversary when he said I wasn't good enough. He is wrong. Through Christ ALL things are possible. I pray to see with the eye of faith. If limitations weren't a factor, which dreams would you pursue? This is what I asked myself before deciding to pursue my dreams. Dreams that I truly feel this past year has prepared me for.
Elder Holland has said that faith is always pointed toward the future. I pray for faith. True faith. Action faith. Unwavering faith. I realize that "future" will never come because it will always be in the future, so, here's to the present!
I believe this post was for me. It always helps me to get my thoughts out of my head. Not to mention, I hope to now be accountable. In addition though, I hope that in sharing them they have been received in the light that I share them, and that you too can be blessed from my young mind's perspective.
Maybe one day I will start a blog. Until then, enjoy the novels Facebook.
Happy new year, folks. Happy new day smile emoticon